The Moment Before
by The Musical Jedi
Summary: Han reflects on life moments before he's frozen in carbonite. FINE


Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine. I make no money from them and only derive pleasure from the writing itself. Thanks to George Lucas who lets us play in his back yard.

A/N: Please ask before archiving. Also, I also appreciate comments, criticisms, etc.

Enjoy. :)

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**The Moment Before - A Vignette**

They say that when you're about to die, your life flashes before your eyes.

In my experience, that's not exactly true.

I think it's better to say that when you're about to die, you realize you're going to miss what you never got to do; the runs never made, the sabacc games never played, the fortunes never made or lost.

The people you'll never see again.

I know something is wrong just by the look on Lando's face. The old gambler's expression is taunt, every emotion he's experienced written somewhere on his visage. No sabacc face, and I know from personal experience it takes a lot to make Lando give up that. It's the last thing to go.

Part of me wondering if I really wanted to know, I lean towards him. "What's going on… buddy?" I can't stop myself from adding the last part. I know he had didn't mean to betray me any more than I had intended to stiff him last time we met. You learn early that these things happen. I try to remind myself that he's respectable now; millions of people in Bespin City count on him to make decisions in the best interests of everybody.

It doesn't really make me feel better.

"You're being put in carbon freeze."

Fett's booted footsteps echo loudly in my ears as I take in this bit of information. I look at Leia as she concentrated on what Fett and Vader are talking about. Suddenly, she looks at me, something in her eyes I've never seen before. Then I realize that, for the first time, I can see fear there, fear and something else.

"Put him in."

Vader catches my attention with those words the instant before Chewie begins to attack the stormtroopers near him. I hear myself yelling at him to stop even before I really know what he's trying to do; of course, it's what he always tries to do: protect me. He knocks two off the platform and one on the ground in agony before I shoulder my way over to him. Even with the noise and the fact that Vader can vaporize all of us any moment he chooses, I can feel Leia's eyes burning into my back.

I wish I knew what she thought of all this.

"Hey! Listen to me!" The stormtroopers grab his arms, putting binders on his wrists. "Chewie!" He's finally looking at me.

I take a deep breath, wondering how to make him understand. "Chewie, this won't help me. Hey!" He's still not paying attention, watching Vader watch us, I lower my voice, as if I could keep my next words from that robotic monstrosity, or from Fett.

"Save your strength. There'll be another time."

I wonder if this is what Luke feels when he's manipulating the Force. My senses seem to take everything in around me, even what I can't see. I can almost smell Leia's sweet, complicated scent, the cologne that Lando's never without. I feel like I can see their faces, even Vader as he watches Chewie and me. I swallow, not wanting to say what's next, knowing that once I've said my piece, I get to experience the cool breezes of the carbon chamber.

"The princess." I wonder if she can hear the hoarseness of my words, if she can see me trying to talk around the lump in my throat. "You have to take care of her. You hear me?" I grunt, not quite able to make the last word understandable. Leia comes to stand beside Chewie, and I can feel her warmth even as far away as she is.

He replies, but I can only look at her now.

I wonder what will happen to her after I'm taken care of.

I step forward, her face upturned towards mine as we kiss. The stormtroopers pull me away almost immediately. I can hardly walk as they drag me over to the platform.

She's looking at me the entire time, and I know how she feels before she says a word. On the platform, I realize what might have been. I can see myself holding her close after the Empire is finally chased from the galaxy. I can smell the heady scent of her hair, having woken up in the middle of the night just to remind myself she's still beside me. I can see Luke as a Jedi Knight. The Republic could be restored and the Emperor defeated.

"I love you."

"I know."

But mostly I see her, standing before me, afraid and alone. I wonder what we could have been.

What we should have been.

As the platform is lowered, I find myself hoping that Luke is right; when we die, we become one with the Force, still connected to every living thing that has come before and will come after.

If that's true, then I can be near her forever.


End file.
